Some direction

I haven blog for ages!
I doubt anyone will be reading my blog considering that I've "abandon" my blog for so long.
Anyway my dear frens will know that I've been going thru a depressing and rough patch lately. The pre-wedding preparations were kinda disasterous... Stressed me out so much that I am still having phobia about it. From after wedding till now I hardly have much personal time... Work like 24/7. Have been on retail therapy lately to stay sane. Have been seriously overwhelmed and upset about many things that convinced me that I m not gg to stay on in teaching after my bond is up.

Been seeking God and doing alot of reflection... I've to remind myself that my self worth doesnt come from my colleagues or students or the people around me. I've been trying too hard to please man... that I've lost myself. I am constantly doubting myself and even resenting myself... Do I really have a self-opinion, or izit based on how others will think of me? This is SO mentally draining!

Thankfully today's message reminded me of not being a man pleaser. It is IMPOSSIBLE to please everyone. I should seek only to please God. Been praying about my purpose and destiny in life. I am no longer so passionate about "moulding lifes and making a difference". Perhaps this is a different season of my life. It's time to move on. Take a break and rethink how to realign myself to God's will in my life, making adjustments to being Mrs as well.

Have so many personal things that I want to focus on.
Wedding preparation. This time Im going to prioritise my wedding at 1st place. It's a once in a lifetime. I want to have happy memories not sad ones.
Learning to cook.
Building a home.
Planning for a family... other job alternatives...

Really need to seek God's will. Each day when I see the news plagued with disasters like earthquakes, cyclone, famine etc.... I feel sad that this world is topsy turvy. All these signs that we are living in the end times is so real. For Jesus is indeed coming back very very soon. And we will have to go thru the trials and tribulations.
Yet many times, even now, I am so non-chalent abt things of God. How easy to be caught up with the present that we forget that we have an eternity to live for.

Like David, I want to "have a heart after God's very own heart."

I need a repentant heart like David.

Pro 3:5-6 Trust in the Lord with all your heart, and lean not on your own understanding. In all your ways acknowledge Him, and He will make your paths straight.